Hey! So I sort of disappeared for a while. Last year, I did freelance writing for a few clients but I left my blog alone for a bit because I needed to re-group and spend some quality time with my loved ones. It was interesting seeing blogger, Essena O'Neill have her epiphanies in the midst of my decision to go dark because, while I think she went overboard and had some problems seperating her identity from who she was online, I did understand that she was in pain and that her life had stopped making sense to her. Mine had stopped making sense to me too.
I would never demonize social media or blogging as some sort of dishonest, soul-crushing thing because everything in life is what you choose to make it. I was disillusioned with my entire life between 2014 and 2015, and while it had little to do with the internet, I wasn't going to use the internet to pretend that things were awesome, so I decided to hit the proverbial reset button.
How do you hit the reset button on your life? You subtract everything that you possibly can. I stopped working. I stopped playing. I stopped going to events. I stopped socialising. I became an agoraphobe for a hot second. I ignored the internet. My intense unhappiness meant that the stakes were too high to give a shit over whose email I was missing or whose party I wasn't going to, and you know what? That was a beautiful and liberating thing.
I don't think it's just one aspect of modern life that is making everyone more stressed and anxious these days. I think it's a combination of them because there are pros and cons to almost everything. Even if you throw your phone in the ocean, delete everything and relinquish wi-fi, shit still happens. When I was in a place that felt too hectic, I found a lot of peace in shutting everything down, both online and in real life.
I stopped talking (and writing) about changing my life and actually started taking steps to change it. It took a long time and I'm excited to write about that whole journey but the conclusion of it was that once my life looked less like a mess and more like a fresh template, I began to add in only the things that my heart wanted. Now I'm at a point where I feel so much better. I'm excited about my life again and I know what I need to focus on in order to stay excited about it.
If something stops being fun, stop doing it. If a relationship doesn't make you happy anymore, bow out of it. If you hate your job, find another one. If someone's social media feed makes you feel shitty, unfollow. If the latest trending topic upsets you, stop reading about it. I know that some things are easier to do than others but the more time that you invest where you shouldn't, the worse you will feel. Don't worry about disappointing others when you should first be worried about whether you're disappointing yourself. Don't fight against your heart, be kind to it when it tells you what it wants. You can always take a break from something instead of denouncing it altogether because that can help steer you in the right direction too. Change isn't instant but it is so rewarding.
I've madeover my blog with a new theme and I'm going to post about whatever I want. I've always had trouble writing an 'About' section and I think I know why, I needed to figure myself out more. I'm not the same girl who started this blog and I'm ecstatic about that. I know it sounds silly but writing that section made me feel so me and I think that taking time off not only helped me get to know myself, it helped me start writing in a way that feels effortless again. Evolving is fun as hell so I'm excited to see what happens. Here's to a new era!
