Gutter zombies

2/26/2014






Outfit - Topshop
Rosary - Tourist stand in Rome
Safety pin cuff - The Lot
Stockings - Gift
Heels - Plum
 
Fearful of living, fearful of not living enough. In a constant state of anxiety for no reason whatsoever. Making up hypothetical situations, refusing to believe in good news. Always sure something is lurking around the corner. I never used to be such a nervous wreck, inventing outcomes that would touch my heart and make me ache over something phony, something never to be. Worrying about nothing and everything at the same time. 

I don't know when this started. I recall carefree days before I was aware of my mortality, I would run and jump and scrape my knees. Years later, the knee scrapes happened near parked cars and the blood was almost beautiful because I saw that I still had life within me. I would be helped up by an alarmed acquaintance even though I was content to sit on the floor a spell. In the car ride, I swiped my fingers on the spill and brought my hand up to assess the damage. I noticed that I used to heal quicker. Bleeding used to stop sooner and scars would barely feature on my skin. 

I just wanted to be brand new again.

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