Right now I'm smack in the middle of the Project Runway challenge in 2nd year. We have a R700 budget and right now I've spent about R480. I still have to buy shoes and get eyelets put in. Not that there is anything but fabric at the moment. I have my concept down and my fabric bought, now I must do the prep art work and the patterns for it. I'll spend tonight doing some art.

I figured out one of my problems, I have trouble making a decision and sticking to it. The design process is so spontaneous but there isn't always time to be inspired when you have a strict deadline. So this time I've settled on it, I can see the outfits in my mind, clear as day, all I have to do is put it all together. Wish me happy sewing please, we only have 7 days and have to do the whole thing at college, so there's no room for messing up Mondays or anything of that sort. I was finishing off my jeans (which fit, yeah!) and overlocking like a maniac and when I returned to top stitching my inside leg seam and sewing up the side seams ( I adore side seams) I was thrilled at how much fun I was having.

When you have a great sewing day, it feels like you're a sculpturer, a painter creating an inspired work. You feel this strength that comes from turning something into nothing that is unlike anything I have ever felt. This meaning, this outcome, that moment makes all the hardship worth it. I told myself that, sometimes, you're not always good at what you like, at what you enjoy. Passion can pressure you, it can interfere when you're nervous. I just have to learn to let it ebb and flow naturally, to do what feels instinctual. Those moments have come with practise, they happen more frequently now. I must believe in myself and my ability, not be a prisoner of my over-analytical mind that stumbles over fears and freezes my progress.

I've had people react disappointingly to my endeavor. Even if it's just imagination, I've had so many moments of doubt where I want to grimace at innuendos and euphemisms that imply something negative about my "talents". Basically speed is revered and means you're good. But I don't ever give it too much attention, I'm going to be the girl who proves that you don't have to pick something up instantly like a fast burning prodigy to be amazing at it in the end. The mistakes I've made have only made lessons stick. I want everyone to know that their dreams are challenging because they're right, not because they're wrong. We are not puzzle pieces, we are evolving beings slowly growing into a perfect fit. And I just know. I just know this is what I have to do with my life because I've felt that feeling, however fleeting; of meaning, of absolute confidence and joy with what I'm doing, that natural pull that I cannot stay away from.

Have an amazing week!